“Adversity introduces a man to himself.” - Albert Einstein

We All Suffer From Something, Sometimes.

Whatever your suffering from you're not alone and you're not destined to get it through it alone either. This letter picks up where my last one left off...

Papa Tom listened patiently while I dumped my pains and woes...

Worried about my mental health

Scared I won't be in a loving relationship

Tired of feeling fat

Scared of running out of money each month 

Living month to month since my business hasn't taken off, yet

Scared of falling deeper into debt and not being able to pay rent and the bills necessary to keep my business alive.  

Constant state of anxiety and stress

Intermittent bouts of depression

Past regrets cluttering my mind

PTSD responses from past trauma paralyze me and weigh me down

Struggling not to use food, drugs, porn or booze to supplement dopamine release

Feeling like a fat, broke, useless failure who’s scared to fail again

Feeling like it's only a matter of time until...

“I f–k things up just like I always do?” -Staind, It's Been Awhile

Feeling like I’ve messed up so badly that the idea of doing better and feeling better seems like a fantasy I have no right to fantasize about

As I dump out out the reasons for my suffering Papa Tom just nods along as if he's listening to a sad country song then he asks...

Want my advice, even if you won't like it?

I nod that I do.

1. Show Up And Live

Instead of waiting for things to get better, show up and live now. 
Regardless of how you feel, keep moving forward.
You don’t get to do this day over. 
Why spend another day, another minute, suffering?
Decide to show up and live.
Decide to stop suffering.

He made it sound too easy. So I protested, "I can't just stop. I have too many reasons to feel bad. Who knows how long it will last?"

Papa Tom, still shredded at 75, laughed like a muscular Santa Clause and asked:

Do you wanna know how long it takes someone to stop suffering? 
Papa Tom didn’t wait to hear my answer.
You stop suffering the moment you decide to stop suffering. 
And making that decision only takes a second.

Your situation won’t change overnight, but your approach can change now.Decide to use your regrets as reasons to show up better.

2. Feel The Pain - With Gain

Feel the pain, but show up and do the thing anyway.
The pain will pass.
The thing will last.
Your work works on you more than you work on it.**

Your pain is real, so feel it, but show up and live while you’re at it.

Stop asking: Why is this happening to me?

And start asking: Now what?

Ask and receive answers. Prioritize what needs to be done. Then do it.

Me: But the pain makes my brain foggy.  I don’t know what to do, and I usually don’t feel like doing anything.

Obsessing what’s already happened puts you in a freeze state, paralysis by analysis.

Feeling the pain and obsessing over it aren’t the same.
Feeling the pain is part of the deal. 
Your feelings aren’t paralyzing you.
It's the stories you keep telling yourself about your feelings that are cluttering your brain and causing more pain.

You've replayed and analyzed what happened hundreds of times, and each time, you end up with more mind clutter and hurt.

Feel the feeling without the story and do the work.  Stack one aligned action atop the next.

3. Courage Is Showing Up Despite Fear

Me: “But I'm afraid I’ll fail again.”

The path out of suffering is paved with fear.
Fear is part of the deal.
Do the thing anyway.  

Feel it when it comes, but don’t hold on.

A feeling lasts no longer than 90 seconds unless you decide to make it last longer by thinking about it.

Thoughts become words. 
Words become stories. 
Stop telling yourself (and others) stories about your feelings.

It’s just a feeling that will pass, it doesn’t need a story stuck to it to make it last.
Self-made stories just prolong the feeling. 

4. Every Feeling Is Temporary

Awareness is Your Super-Power

Raise your awareness.  

Feel your feelings.  

Become aware of the thought that preempts the feeling.  

What automatic responses does the feeling trigger? 
Become aware of your actions, too. 

Are your actions aligned with your intention, or are past programs hijacking the show?

Are your thoughts aligned with your intention or are past programs filling your mind space?

Notice the feeling.  This is conscious awareness in action.
Loosely identify the feeling. I’m feeling scared, and it will pass.

Let the feeling flow (it only takes 90 seconds to go).
Breathe it out to create space to do the thing.

Resist the pull to think about the feeling…
Direct your attention and do the thing.
This is the way.
This is your work.  

Honor the 90-second feeling maxim - A Feeling only lasts 90 seconds unless you ‘think it into’ lasting longer.

5. You're Creating Your Future Right Now

The past serves as our life lessons textbook, and the future is created in the present moment.

You've already paid a hefty tuition in pain. Now use what you've paid for. 

Look back to the past only to review the lessons and look forward to taking the next step – the next action. 

Right now, in the present moment, is the only time that you can do anything. 

So live and be right now.  Immerse yourself in Now-Being and become a Now-Being. 
The present moment is where your authentic power is.

Every moment is an opportunity to start living and stop waiting for things to improve. 
The more love and light you share right now, the Lighter life feels now and in the next moment.

The only time life happens is right now, at this very moment.

This means experiencing what is happening right now in the present moment.

Your perspective creates your frame, and your intention paints your present picture.

Your intention, your state, and your actions create.  You are continuously creating your next moment.

Decide to fill your frame with Love and Light.  Decide to show up and live.

Why wouldn’t you?

You have nothing left to lose.  So, why not start acting like it is impossible to fail?

Show up like it is impossible to fail.

You are constantly creating.

Why not create what you want instead of paying attention to what you don't want?

6. Safety Is Stopping You From Living

Your Default Programs Are Holding You Back

They feel safe and familiar but they are the same programs that got you stuck in the first place.

Programs from the past hold you back and keep taking over because they’re so familiar that you don’t see them for what they are.

These are your self-protective SP Programs, and they hold you back now even though they helped you feel safe before.

Let them go.
Even though it’s hard, let them go.
These programs protected you when you were younger, but they’re causing your suffering now.
They protected you from trauma pain when the trauma happened, and they stuck around even though the trauma was in the past.
Even though your old programs have become addictions that bring you safety in familiarity, let them go.

You yearn for safety and stability, but you're clinging to conformity and familiarity. 
Letting go of past SP Programs is a moment-to-moment decision that requires work. 
This work isn’t easy.
Do the work.

Only by risking the loss of the familiar past can you show up as the true you.

Showing up for the present and living Now feels risky and uncomfortable. 
Discomfort is the precursor to change. 
Change is uncomfortable. 
So get comfortable being uncomfortable.

“If you are walking through hell, keep going.”

7. Decide

Decide to show up and live now.

Decide to transmute your losses into lessons.

Decide to use your mess as your message that you share authentically without expecting anything in return.

Decide to accept that there is a different truth than the hell you’ve been living in.

The truth is a moving target that can only be hit now. So decide to show up and live right now.

Decide to become a Now-Being because anything that matters now is happening now.

Decide to make better mistakes. Because the same mistake made more than once is a decision to stay stuck.

“When You Come To A Fork In The Road, Take It.” - Yogi Berra

Every breakthrough starts with a decision. 

You already know that you want to get out of hell. 

Remember that knowing something and taking action are two different things. 

Deciding to take action is your first aligned action.

Deciding with Love and Light,
Tom

In My Next Letter:

In my next letter, I'm sharing more of the sage advice from Papa Tom that is changing my life. If you want a better change too be sure to read it because it might just help you too!

Some I'll be writing about in my next Lighten Up Letter...

• How to direct your attention like a helpful weapon

• Why Your Intention matters enough to put work into it

• What Integrity Really Means

• The truth about shame and blame

• How to do the work